I always had this dream that one day I would dance behind an artist in an arena filled with thousands and tour the world with them. That dream fueled my fire and passion for dance through my years of training and being a professional. I had no plan, no path, no set of steps... I simply worked hard, wrote down my goals and just went where the wind blew me .
I have to say looking back at the 17 year old self who finished Dux of her school with a scholarship to university and wanting to become a physiologist specializing in biomechanics I can't help myself but laugh and think there is no way I could have told you that my life would go in the absolute opposite direction and I would find myself sitting on my couch in my apartment in Los Angeles with a career behind me that I am so god damn proud of .
I have achieved things I could only dream of, danced for people I had to hold back tears from meeting them, been on sets that take my breath away, traveled to countries that have opened my heart and my eyes, met people who have changed my life, and learnt countless lessons about myself.
I was one of those people whose eyes saw only their career. I thought my main goal in life was to achieve the unimaginable and to reach my fullest potential and that if i did that i would be complete, i would be the epitome of happiness. That determination has absolutely aided my success and led me to where i am today but along the way something clicked and i realized .. oh darling you are so wrong.
It definitely occurred when my heart was left in pieces and I escaped to Europe at 21, alone with a suitcase and 4 days in venice before i would embark on a short tour through Italy, Spain and the french riviera. Yes it changed my life. In those first four days walking in circles lost in the canals of venice, sharing a pizza and vase of wine to myself watching the sunset over the river, and falling asleep alone in my hotel in the old monastery i realized how wrong I was about everything I had ever thought and been and began a transformation into the person I am today. I realized that I must have so much love for myself that the love of any other would only compliment it and so I would have all the love in the world to give to that person because I already had enough for myself. I saw that I needed to find my own happiness regardless of the situations surrounding me, a bad day did not mean a bad life, and a situation only gaged as good or bad depending on my thoughts. My thoughts began to change my world, I learnt to control my drowning anxiety and stress. I saw my selfishness and was disgusted and worked to give the love and compassion to my family and loved ones whom I had neglected. I realized true friends, and the energy and vibrations I wanted to surround myself with and that only i have the power and choice to say no to things I no longer need in my life or things that do not resonate with my truest self. I learnt happiness comes from so many other things than my career- like a simple sunset, a great coffee, exploring and seeing the world...
I could go on for days dabbling about my thoughts but ill leave it there as I'm sure ill touch on them all soon.
A year ago I cracked a whip on myself when I was off from tour because of an injury and realized I had been saying I was moving to america for years now but my actions were not meeting my words. I locked myself to my computer and began the process which any 01 visa holder will describe as hell. I buckled down, got a hold of all my documents and evidence, travelled to America , had a breakdown before the light came shining and that holy deal memo landed in my palms. On the 23rd of January i packed two suitcases complete with my life and travelled 15 hours on a jet plane to the place i had dreamt of and thought...... fuck, what have i done ?!!!
I look forward to sharing my experiences, my stories, and my ludicrous thoughts with you as I tumble and turn, fall and fly through this concrete jungle until one day i can look back and say I FUCKING DID IT !!!!!!!