Debt, we meet again

I used to say that I have never been in debt, thankfully, well in the kind of debt that comes to mind when we hear that word. You know…the credit card that has at least 4 figures to its name grinning in your face as you eat some rolled oats. Well yes that kind of debt I am incredibly grateful I have not experienced to this day … however last week had me thinking, but wait….. YES, I have experienced debt.

For a second id like to use this idea of finance as a metaphor for ourselves. Your checking account (oh sorry Australia this is your normal ”everyday saver” as Commonwealth bank would call it) is YOU. The numerical amount shown is the love, time, effort, care and every other word I will let you think of for me that you have put into yourself and the person you are today. It is the self work and hustle for the career you put in daily, the friendships, the life lessons, the journaling and adventuring that you constantly do and save up so that you can have some good solid cash stored up in your soul.

When I am doing these things and putting myself first I have got some pretty good cash in the bank. Enough even that I can share some around to those in need. Perhaps spending a lot of this currency in giving back to others by providing a shoulder for people to cry on, an ear to listen, words of compassion, motivation and maybe even at times actual money to save another.

These acts are incredible ways of showing empathy, love and care for others and when our bank is flowing abundantly these acts will almost cost us nill. The tricky situation arises when we ourselves are running low on funds and still continue to give, and give and GIVEEEEEE until well we have nothing left ourselves.

I am a person who naturally feels drawn to help others. To shed some of my own skin to protect them, heal them, help them open their eyes and heart and to make them feel magical. If I have loved you in this lifetime as a friend or partner you will know that I love so hard and so much. When my own account is running low i've usually been around others who share some of their savings and get me back afloat. It’s a give and take world you know. But on a few occasions I have found myself dead ass “BROKE” and this significant other is also either broke or a real friggen tight ass that I have had to use my credit card.

But the problem was I was using my credit card to still give and give to others, saying to myself “its ok tash. This person needs it more and I love them so much”. In my case down the track the person I was helping so much decided it wasn’t a top business deal any longer so then I was left on my own, and in incredible debt. A lonely, empty, self loathing sort of debt.

This my friends is the debt I am talking about. Frankly it left me feeling so depleted and hurt that it may aswell have been actual money. I let the value of my self and my savings be depleted, and I was running on overdrawn life funds.

I couldn’t believe I had let myself fall into this situation. I was angry, upset and pretty much broken. Firstly my friends all came together to help me out of this debt and get me to a strong $0 balance. You know who you are, and seriously I couldn’t be more thankful for all the dinners, wine, ben & Jerrys, dairy milk and coffees that were thrown at me on top of all the laughter and soul conversations. But then it was my turn to take over and rebuild myself.

Its taken a good month of being brutally honest with myself and what I desire, loving myself enough to realize my true worth and value which is higher than I was selling it for. A hell of a lot of journaling, adventuring, taking class and falling back in love with me, who I am and what I do in this world.

Im back at having some pretty great cash flowing through me, id even say the interest rate has gone up also, am I right ladies ?!. But for real, im back up on my feet, out of debt and feeling great. But ive also learnt a huge life lesson. I found the line between giving and receiving, the equal exchange, and when I am giving out more than I have. Only when we have so much to spare, can we give to others… and when that balance is nearing 0, girl, take a moment and hold onto that gold tightly.

My next blog post will be linking in to this one and focusing on a new phrase that I am focusing on my life. “self investment”. But for now ill leave it here, and give you sometime to take a look a your finances. Looking forward to hearing what you think as always !