Table for one thank you
Why is it that when I ask the waiter " Could I have a table for one please" or when I sit and they ask “are we still waiting on someone?” to which I reply "Nope, just me " I automatically sense their energy feeling sorry for me and on the inside I become conscious of the fact that I appear "lonely" to bystanders. Well I am not LONELY, I am merely ALONE and I, like many others actually really enjoy taking myself out for a coffee, or a bite to eat... but why is it that society makes us feel sorry for ourselves and like we are "missing" something. Don't get me started on the awkward moment when you need to run to the bathroom but you aren't finished and don't want the waiter who can't wait to get you done with your meal to take away your last spoonfuls. My go to is an open book right beside my meal and I've researched the utensil placement to say "Mam, Yes i am still going to eat that last piece of chicken and drop of wine so don’t you dare take it away !! " . To answer the question in your head... "Yes I am crazy when it comes to food"!.
I am at a moment in my life where I now say my age and think "shit, 25, what am I doing ?" . No longer can I get away with the cute 21, 23 even push 24 years old feeling like I’m still young and my older friends can just laugh at the way I see the world. I have now entered that next tier of adulthood and life is beginning to feel a lot more serious. Most of my friends are engaged to their lovers, and if not they are shaking that finger in their faces, some have children, a lot own a house and I'm draining my account sourcing lovely outfits to attend all the weddings . Where for time again, I will be "that single friend". Seriously out of the 6 females on the bridal team for my best friend- I am the only one without an arm wrapped around me . All of this makes me lie in my bed awake at night thinking "shit time is running out, SHOULD I be in a relationship?" "is there something wrong with me ?" "I wish my teddy I'm hugging was actually a person"... "Why am I 25, and still single ?!!” (yes it may be the fact I have a teddy, but don't lie - you have one too).
All of this can become too much and if you let yourself listen to your abuela or mother about their long wait for grandkids, or your little dance students saying time is ticking Miss Tash and relishing in the fact they as 9 year olds have boyfriends and you don't, soon you will be swiping to the right on any guy who knows how to take a decent selfie, isn’t your cousin and doesn't confuse you with 8 group photos thinking which one is he ?. All of this in a desperate chase to just “Have’ Someone. Really? To feel loved, assured or a little less lonely in your daily life- girl you can give yourself all that and more.
My favorite question is " How come you are still single?" Oh well let me ask Bob, Tom and Harry what happened and get back to you ... but more realistically its because Im having way too much of a good time loving and living life with myself and have not met the one that shines their light so bright that I must get to know them. Im not that girl that is going to settle for anything less merely to feel secure, comfortable and part of team. I know my worth and my values and I do not need someone to hold me to tell me "I am enough". I am already enough, I've always been enough and I will forever be more than enough”. Nor can I fathom spending hours and my minimal free time on dinners with energy drainers, mischief makers or someone who I can tell my friends is “nice”. I know we have all read those memes on our low days and said "shit yeah, my 20's are for living and doing the crazy things and really living rather than merely existing". It makes us feel better in the moment and often that moment is fleeting as we return to eating ice cream and watching Breakfast at Tiffanys for the 20th time. But they really are !!! This time as a solo wanderer of this earth is limited people, it is precious and offers so many moments of growth, discovery and soul searching that will be missed in the blink of an eye if you are too silly focusing on what you “don’t” have.
Instead of focusing on the questioning, take a long look at the fabulous life you are living standing on your own two feet and relish it whilst you are amongst it. I woke up one day and felt like booking a trip to Europe so I walked down the road to flight centre and did so. I didn't have to ask my boyfriend if he could get work off too, how his savings were, where he wants to go and probably have to wait to book it another time. No, I just did it! I can move across the world because I've dreamt of it my whole god damn life without feeling guilty and giving up on my dream quicker than it came. I can make new friends from any walk of life and disappear on a spontaneous night without having to let someone know or make my decision based on what their plans are. I can make mistakes, wander the globe alone, dive deeper into my own soul and stitch the seams of my own heart. The day that person walks into my life they will not be “saving”, “completing” or “changing” me. They will be making life even brighter, and adding some more magic to what ive already created for myself. I will be able to love that much bigger because I don’t question who I am , what I offer, or my worth.
To all my fellow single soldiers, I hope that you are making the most of this sacred time and that you are waiting for the person instead of rushing head first to save yourself from societies pressure on your shoulders. Even when the time comes that I share life with another- I will still indulge in a table for one regularly. Learning to be by yourself, quiet with the crashing waves of your mind and exploring without your “blanky” can be daunting at first but I learnt the art at 21 when I escaped to Europe alone on an adventure and it changed me so much im doing it all again in two weeks ! I challenge you to take yourself on a date this week- dinner is the scariest so maybe start with brunch. See how it feels and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
