Im two weeks deep into this recovery process and let me tell you, this week I have felt unstoppable, alive and constantly grateful.
Last week was a tough one and I'm not kidding myself, I know that of course there will be many weeks alike to cause a rough patch on my yellow brick road but right now I'm going to bathe in these good feelings. By day 12 I had achieved 98 degrees in flexion, walked without my crutches at a quicker pace than a turtle and even got to walk on the treadmill. Its crazy that I could walk or run km's only weeks prior and now a mere 360m had me slightly sweating and legs that turned into jello. Are you kidding me ?! like how unfit have I become in two weeks haha!!!
I did my first squats on a leg press on 40kg ( Even with this silly knee I can still press more than my mother) , did some reformer exercises to work on my extension and being able to control my muscles when straightening my knee. Morgan feels uneasy when she watches me tense and my little quad quivers in an attempt to appear strong, I think its cute - come on buddy you will get there ! I'm rooting for you. I saw my surgeon and got the tick of approval, and........ I got to dive into the ocean for the first time ! OK I'm lying, by dive what I actually mean in cautiously one step at a time lower myself into the water holding my mothers arm (dive just sounded more exciting). For my friends reading this, I'm sure I need not explain the overwhelming feelings that cursed through me as my head went under. I took a moment to float, close my eyes and speak to myself about how proud I am for working hard, everything I am grateful for and how much I have to look forward to. I almost shed a tear because thats the kind of emotional clown I am but mum caught me in the moment and her face as she said " ahhh your smile baby" said it all for how much happiness this moment brought me. Heading into this week with a brave spirit and excited for the progress that will come with it .
Now for my thoughts this week..... let me ask, do you believe in signs ? I mean those events that cannot be written as a coincidence that let you know you are on the right path, that assert what the gut feeling was telling you , that guide you towards something you are meant to see, hear or do. I do. If you do or would like to learn some more one of the greatest books I came across on this topic is E squared by Pam Grout.
There is a quote by Theodore Roosevelt which has plopped itself into my sight not twice, but three times in the past two weeks. The first time was the day I got the news that I would be needing a reconstruction- a friend posted it on instagram and I must admit I began reading it but it was extremely long and I couldn't be bothered so I gave up and skipped past it. Only a few hours later I began reading"Rising Strong" by Brene Brown- a book that my lovely friend Daniel bought for me and 3 pages in- BAM!! There was the same quote. I laughed and thought "Wow. I am totally meant to be reading this book right now and maybe i am meant to learn something from this quote". Actually taking my time to read it, I fell in love with it. A week later as I am reading my new book "The Charge" by my favorite Author Brendan Burchard what quote out of every quote in the world could I turn the page to read, yes you guessed it... this one right here !
" It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat".
Theodore Roosevelt, From the speech "Citizenship in a Republic", Delivered at the Suborn, Paris, April 23, 1910.
This quote has since become my quote to keep me fighting through this recovery process. I am face down in that arena after daring greatly. I will stand up again and again no matter what this life throws at me as I tackle the things that mean the world to me and deliver a triumph of high achievement or at least know I never gave in to comfort. The first sentences also got me thinking about criticism, judgement from others and also my fear of rejection and failure. Id like to let you sit on this quote, have a think about what it stirs within you and start thinking about the topics I just mentioned. I can't wait to discuss in my next blog what Brendan highlighted for me through his use of this quote. Until then, have a lovely week little daisies !.